#BookTour…Holy Crap! The World Is Ending!…#BookBoost #Humor #PNR #Romance @RoxanneRhoads @writtenbyanna

Holy Crap! The World is Ending!

How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to

Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth

The Anunnaki Chronicles

Book One

Anna-Marie Abell

Genre: Humorous Paranormal Romance

Publisher: Alien Abduction Press

Date of Pub.: Sept. 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-1-947119-01-7

ASIN: B071Z7YTW7

Number of pages: 349

Word Count: Just under 114,000

Tagline: End times are here! Now you can eat whatever you want and not care if you gain weight.

Book Description:

The president has announced that Earth is going to collide with a rogue moon, and in the process, our entire planet is going to be smashed to bits. As one would expect, upon hearing this news, humans went ballistic. It was as if every sports team in the world lost their championship game at the same time. No car was left unrolled—but oddly enough, Taco Bell remained open and made unfathomable profits in the last days. Apparently, Doritos Locos® Tacos were a popular last meal.

Autumn (who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills) has just been handed the task of saving all of humanity. With the help of her unbelievably sexy alien boyfriend and her kleptomaniac friend with fire-retardant hair, Autumn takes a spaceship and races to save her fellow humans by using the Ark of the Covenant. Along the way, she discovers how sheltered people are from the truth of extraterrestrials and their power to either protect us or destroy us.

Stupid government.

Grab a bottle of wine, a shipload of snacks, and prepare to take a ride on this humorous chick lit romantic sci-fi paranormal adventure. If you’re into Ancient Aliens, conspiracy theories, UFOs, crave a little sexy time in your reading, are curious if we were genetically engineered (like the Sumerian cuneiform texts claim), and are dying to find out the meaning of life, then this book is for you.

Check Out Book Trailer!!!!

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What Reviewers Have to Say

“An unexpected story that promises to be one of the most creative fictional discoveries of the year…a fun approach to the entire save-the-Earth-from-alien-invasion scenario which successfully turns traditional approaches upside down.”- D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

“A rollicking seat of your pants fun ride through the universe!” Joan Silvestro, Booktrader of Hamilton

“An awesome read! Warm, witty–and thought provoking–a beach read that stays with you throughout the year!”Aionios Books

“This book starts with a lot of humour, but quickly gets a very rich storyline with great characters and seriously… this ending? If you like to be blown away, you should read this!”Esther, BiteIntoBooks

“Anna-Marie Abell has succeeded in weaving her years of study into in the ancient Sumerian culture and their gods with common conspiracy theories, pop culture and random human quirkiness into an out of this world end times romp that will have you laughing out loud at the most inappropriate times and possibly even shedding a tear or two before it’s all said and done.” Jennifer, JennlyReads

He tenderly swept my hair behind my ear and whispered, “I want you so bad right now.”

“Do you now?”

I bent to kiss him. The instant we connected, electricity sizzled through our bodies. Groaning, he hastily swapped our positions, so he was on top of me, and pressed one leg between my thighs. One of his hands cupped my breast as he kissed my neck; the other hand teased the skin just underneath my shirt.

“Boy, you don’t waste any time, do you?” I breathed.

His sexy half-smile lit up his face and he pressed his knee a little higher. The tingles of an orgasm arose between my legs. No way am I going to last more than a minute at this rate. Desperately needing things to progress more quickly, I clawed at my clothes, trying to remove them.

Brushing his lips against my ear, Rigel rumbled, “So impatient.” His hot breath against my skin brought on the inevitable vibrations.

“Just a bit,” I panted.

With a throaty chuckle, he trailed his tongue along my cheek until he reached my mouth. He lingered there, brushing his bottom lip against mine. One brush… then another.

“What are you waiting for?” I protested.

“Just slowing things down for you.”

“Well, stop it.” I meant that to be playful, but my need practically had me snarling at him. He was driving me insane.

With another chuckle, he bit my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. The building pressure in my core made me moan.

He grinned at me. “If that set you off, you’d better get prepared for what I’m going to do next.”

My heart pounded. Oh, god. “You aren’t playing fair.”

Placing his arms on either side of me, he brought his knee up, parting my legs until his thigh pressed firmly against me.

I moaned again.

“Who said this was going to be fair?” he said.

He rocked his leg once. Another moan.

“Oh, so we’re playing dirty?” Feeling gutsy from the lust, I used my fingernails to stoke the growing bulge in his pants. I felt it twitch. I can’t believe I just did that!

He let out a long breath and dove in for a kiss. Our lips parted, and he thoroughly claimed my mouth. Any shyness I had melted away once his skilled tongue explored mine. I gave back with the same intensity, my arms wrapping around his neck, fingers lacing in his hair. He tasted like wine and honey. Our breathing became heavy, moving in and out in sync.

The next thing I knew, my shirt was off and flung on top of the lampshade. He carried me to his bed and set me on the down comforter. The duvet was cool against my feverish skin. Towering above me, Rigel stripped off his shirt, revealing his broad chest. His muscles were taut, his skin smooth, abs rippling down to show a faint trail of golden hair leading into his jeans.

“See something you like?” he said.

Blushing, I returned my greedy gaze to his face. Too much eye candy for a mere mortal to handle. His hair was messy, partially falling into his face and artistically shaping his features. That damn hair is such a turn-on.

I couldn’t wait. I was as crazed as an impulse shopper on Black Friday, and Rigel was my ten-dollar toaster oven. Pulling myself to my knees using his jean loops for support, I gave his chest soft kisses. He still smelled of lavender, but now it was mixed with a sweeter smell I couldn’t identify. It made me want to lick him all over. Clutching the loops tighter, I began to explore.

As I moved lower and lower with each kiss, his form danced and shone along the edges. I had to rest my forehead against his abs and catch my breath. If I wasn’t careful, I might pass out. When I went to unbutton his jeans, this untamed lust that possessed me had my muscles contracting in anticipation, and I lost all ability to use my hands. I couldn’t get the blasted button open.

“Dammit!”

With a playful growl, Rigel thrust me back on the bed and finished undressing me… slowly. Way too slowly. I didn’t know if it was because I was all revved up and ready to go, or if he did it on purpose to drive me nuts, but either way it whipped me into a frenzy. He slid one bra strap down, then the other. Reaching behind me, he stroked my spine, and I arched my back to let him undo the fastener. As he flung the bra across the room, his eyes blazed with anticipation of the feast he was about to devour.

I was so distracted by his firm pectoral muscles that it didn’t even register with me that I was completely naked—until I saw he was twirling my panties around on his pinky finger, one corner of his mouth quirked in a smile.

“How did you do that?”

With a smirk he answered, “One of my gifts.”

The bastard knew I was about to burst with anticipation, so he taunted me further by slowly undressing himself. First he undid the button on his jeans, then his fingers moved to open the zipper. Inch by inch he unzipped it.

“You are pure evil,” I breathed.

He pulled back one side, then the other. No underwear. I gasped. The jeans slid to the ground.

Oh… my… god. He was getting a five-star rating on Yelp first thing in the morning.

Unable to take my eyes from it, I said, “That can’t be street legal.”

“No, but it makes for a hell of a ride.”

About the Author:

Anna-Marie Abell grew up in a trailer park. Well, several actually. Her trailer was on wheels so she got to experience the Pacific Northwest’s vast array of mobile home parks as her parents moved her from one to the other. Somewhere along the way, she got totally into UFOs. Probably because she was hoping extraterrestrials would come and abduct her. But they never did. Luckily for her she was smart, because her only hope of escaping trailer life was college and a full scholarship. Moving to sunny California on her almost full ride to Chapman University, she was well on her way to her new life. Two bachelor degrees later (Film and Television Production and Media Performance), and several honors and awards for her accomplishments, she managed to start working in an almost completely unrelated industry from her majors: infomercials.

It was in college that she got bit by the “ancient alien” bug after listening to Zecharia Sitchin on Coast to Coast AM. In her pursuit to uncover the truth, she has spent the last twenty years researching the ancient Sumerian culture—in particular their “gods” called the Anunnaki—and their connection to the creation of the human race. What she found changed her life, her beliefs, and her understanding of the universe and everything beyond. Her humorous science fiction trilogy, The Anunnaki Chronicles, is a culmination of all her research, her borderline obsession for all things paranormal, and approximately 2,300 bottles of wine.

Website: http://writtenbyanna.com/

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/writtenbyanna

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Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/16862523.Anna_Marie_Abell

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Anna-Marie-Abell/e/B071P2DSHP

 

Tour giveaway

1 Special Edition Hardback (US Only)

5 Ebooks (anywhere)

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#Bookblitz…Cars, Coffee and a Badass Ninja Toilet…#BookBoost #Humor #Satire #Giveaway #OnTour @kchilton1 @SagesBlogTours

Cars, Coffee, and a Badass Ninja Toilet

By K.C. Hilton

Genre: Humor, Satire

If you deal with customers day after day who drive you insane, give you reasons to drink alcohol, or make you want to quit your job, this book is definitely for you.

A chaotic and hilarious portrait of a used car lot owner, Julia Karr. Her feisty attitude and fearless approach to managing a business, how it affects her home life and dealings with customers will have you scratching your head about humanity.

Seeing the business world through Julia’s jaded eyes may convince you that owning a business isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Her attitude is drenched with sarcasm and dipped in crazy sauce. She blames the car lot.

By the time I finished my first cup of coffee, I noticed a vehicle parked near the office door. The office didn’t open for another fifteen minutes and I wasn’t in a big hurry to start my day. As I poured a second cup of coffee, I watched another vehicle pull onto the lot and park.

“Today is going to be a busy day,” I murmured to Foxy Boxy, which somehow excited her and made her start jumping around like a rabbit. She probably thought I was offering her a treat. I looked at her cute puppy-dog eyes and caved. “I might as well go see what they want.” I sighed, then tossed her a treat.

As I walked toward the office door, I noticed an SUV pull onto the lot and park near the entrance. The first customer simply wanted to make a payment, only taking a few minutes of my time.

The second customer wanted more information about a truck parked near the garage, not ready for sale, yet. It was a repo vehicle.

“I’d like to know how much your husband would sell that truck for?” she asked.

Oh, my goddess, another woman who thought only a man could run a car lot. If she continued with the only-a-man-can-run-a-car-lot attitude, I’d have to teach her a lesson.

“I can give you a price,” I said in a cheerful tone. “One thousand dollars, plus the transfer costs—which includes the sales tax—and it’s all yours,” I said.

By the look on her face, I knew the price was too good for her to pass up. Even with the higher miles, it was a four-wheel drive and the truck retailed for five times that amount. It was a repo and I didn’t mind selling it cheaper. One person’s loss was another’s gain. The truck needed to be cleaned up, and have the exterior driver’s door handle replaced, but the low price more than compensated for that. The handle could be purchased on eBay for about twenty dollars. I wasn’t sure if it needed any mechanical work, but Tiny didn’t indicate any problems when he brought it to the lot. Even if the truck needed some work, it was still worth it, as is.

As she made her way to the truck, I glanced at the SUV parked near the entrance and noticed a young man making his way toward me. The truck lady would be fine for a few minutes without me, so I decided to meet the young man halfway.

“I’d like to test-drive that SUV in the front row,” he said. He gestured toward it as he approached me.

“Okay, I’ll go get the key.” I made my way back toward the office.

Truck Lady was hot on my heels and followed me inside. “Are you going to clean it?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “For that price, you can clean it yourself.” Truck Lady looked hurt. It wouldn’t kill her to take it home and clean it herself or run it through a car wash. “If you want us to detail it, then I’m going to raise the price another hundred bucks. Your choice.” That got her thinking. Almost positive she would want to take it for a ride, I snatched the truck key and slid it into my pocket just in case. I pointed to the guy waiting outside. “Let me give that customer this key, so he can go on a test-drive. I’ll be right back.”

As I made my way toward the young man, a woman got out of the passenger side of their SUV, walked around, and hopped into the driver’s seat. I was concerned someone might whip their vehicle into the drive and asked him if she could move it to a parking spot.

“It’s a little dangerous being parked at the entrance,” I said. I handed him the key and he asked about our financing. I answered his questions and let him know that we had recently replaced the battery.

The woman began moving their vehicle and I assumed she would be waiting here until he returned. Their SUV was the same make and model of the one the young man wanted to test-drive, although it was a different color. I took another look and it didn’t have a plate on the back, but it did have a sticker for another car lot here in town.

“Are you test-driving that vehicle?” I asked, as he started the SUV.

About the Author

K.C. is a wife, mother and manages the family business. K.C.’s husband refers to her as Hobbit size and claims that she is “nuttier than a fruit cake.” She owns a complete set of pink tools, believes in aliens and secretly wants to become a badass ninja. In her spare time, she can be found daydreaming about leaving work early to eat chocolate and drink wine. Sometimes her dreams come true.

https://www.facebook.com/KcHiltonAuthor/

https://twitter.com/kchilton1

www.kc-hilton.com

Amazon: http://a.co/hRE1R1p

Hardback B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1127020241?ean=9780692937907

Giveaway

A giveaway for 10 paperback copies 9/1/17-10/15/17 Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35532786-cars-coffee-and-a-badass-ninja-toilet?from_search=true

Two Signed Paperbacks with SWAG!

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#Book #Promo…The Amy Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle Book of Failures…#BookBoost #Funny #Memoir #Giveaway #OnTour @amylyle @SagesBlogTours

The Amy Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle Book of Failures

By Amy Lyle

Genre: Funny Memoir

THE AMY BINEGAR-KIMMES-LYLE BOOK OF FAILURES is a humor memoir. If you have ever failed at love, finances, been fired, not fit in, self-diagnosed yourself with disorders and conditions and/or said, “I really need to get my s*** together,” this is the book for you.

You may appreciate your own dysfunction a little more as you take a journey through Amy’s debacles including: “I Was Not Talking to You,” where Amy mistakes a handsome man waving at her as a potential suitor but in reality, he was only trying to inform her that her belt was dragging on the freeway and “In the Neighborhood,” where members of a cult moving in concurred with a suspicious decline in the cat population. You will relish the chapters entitled “Calls from Sharon,” where Amy’s best friend rants about her kids not getting a fair shot because public schools are ‘so political,’ as her OB/GYN reported her vagina was ‘too clean’ and how the most eligible bachelor from 1982 married a whore. Enjoy “I’m Going to Kill You,” where Amy compares her lack of sleep from her husband’s snoring to CIA agents extracting secrets from a POW. Feel 20-32% better about your own life after reading “Getting Divorced Sucks,” where 911 was called after Amy had an adverse reaction from taking Xanax.

The book has been featured in Scoop OTP, Georgia Followers, The Atlanta Journal Constitution, Points North Atlanta Magazine, Just4Fun Radio and the WXIA-TV morning show, “Atlanta & Company.”

Ten percent of book proceeds are donated to The Place of Forsyth County, a non-profit helping people to become self-sufficient.

 

About the Author

Amy Lyle is an author, comedienne, actor and screenwriter who works as a playwright for a large nonprofit in Alpharetta, Ga. Obsessed with fellow female comedians, Amy developed a writing style that is self-deprecating, hilarious and slightly neurotic.

Although she describes her book, The Amy Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle Book of Failures, as a “how not to” book, her message of “You are not a failure, you’re just having a little bit of trouble right now” is prompting people to share how the book made them feel (#bookoffailures), including the relief of knowing they are not alone in the world of missteps. Fan posts of people reading the book have been popping up from all over the world, including Lake Como, Italy, Amsterdam and The Great Wall of China.

The funny memoir, dealing with everything from getting fired to trying to blend a family, has been described as relatable and authentic, while sparking conversations about how we all handle failure.

The author has been featured in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Points North magazine and the WXIA-TV morning show, “Atlanta & Company,” in addition to writing a monthly column for My Forsyth magazine.

Amy grew up in Marietta, Ohio, in the heart of Appalachia, a place known for a population that is partial to moonshine and prone to acts of violence. She currently lives in Cumming, Ga., with her second husband, Peter, lots of teenagers and a large dog. Ten percent of book proceeds are donated to The Place of Forsyth County, a non-profit helping people to become self-sufficient.

To learn more, visit www.amylyle.me/.

Twitter: @amylyle

FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/amylyle.me/

On Amazon: http://amzn.to/2vZg1xn

On Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2woXefR

On B&N: http://bit.ly/2w5hyjY

 

#FailingForward Confessions Contest

Amy Lyle is encouraging readers to join her “Failing Forward” movement (#failingforward), which promotes the idea that perfection is not realistic, while failure is, and failure can lead to laughter and improved perspective. 

SUBMIT YOUR funniest and most interesting stories of personal failure, which can cover topics such as marriage, divorce, kids, professional life, etc. The entry deadline for submissions is Oct. 16. The winning submission(s) will receive a Book of Fails prize pack, including an autographed copy of The Amy Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle Book of Failures, a t-shirt, stress ball, and hamburger panties. 

You must use the #FailingForward hashtag in order to be considered. Participants are encouraged to share via the Book of Failures social sites also: 

https://www.facebook.com/amylyle.me/

 https://twitter.com/amylyle

or https://www.instagram.com/authoramylyle/

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#Book #Promo…Val & Pals #Series…#Humor #Women #Fiction #ChickLit @MoBPromos

VAL & PALS series

by Margaret Lashley

Genre: Humor/Women’s Fiction/Chick Lit
The first 2 books will be specially discounted to .99¢ on Sept 19th.

Absolute Zero: Misadventures From A Broad

A Midlife Meltdown…with a Side of Fries.

Val’s long-suffering life as a patient daughter, dutiful wife and reliable workhorse has turned her into a snarky, miserable nag.

She has the house, the husband and the career. The only thing missing is the happy.

Before she’s set out to pasture, Val wants one more go around the track. Unbridled. In Italy.

La dolce vita or bust.

Will Val find her happy ending abroad? Or someplace she never thought to look? And will she get there before her money and her sense of humor run out…

If you’ve ever dreamed of ditching your life and running off to Europe, now’s your chance! Join Val on a roller-coaster ride through Europe that will leave you gasping! From gut-busting hilarity to gut–wrenching gaffs, finding yourself again is always worth the price of admission. Buy it now!

The plane came to a halt. A mechanical bell binged. I looked around nervously. I slung my purse across my shoulder and sardined myself into the line of passengers inching their way down the narrow aisle. When I reached the plane’s exit door, I paused hesitantly, like a convict who’d gotten free of her cuffs without anybody noticing. My mind swirled with excitement and abject terror. Goosebumps rushed across my body. The hair at the base of my neck pricked up like a scaredy-cat.

What the hell was I doing?

Mere days before, I’d slammed every single door – including the screen one – on my life back in Florida. The last chance to change my mind had come and gone, as unheeded as a speed limit sign at a NASCAR rally. Every safety net I’d ever known was thousands of miles away, across the Atlantic Ocean, out of sight and out of reach.

I took a deep breath to steady myself, then stepped off the plane into the complete unknown. I glanced back and waved goodbye to the Air Italia flight crew. I turned again and meandered down the gangplank behind a frail, elderly couple holding hands. Their long-standing marriage triggered flashbacks of my own, long-suffering one.

Seven weeks ago, I’d signed the final divorce papers ending fifteen years of matrimony to Jimmy Johnson, a man I no longer knew. I envisioned the beautiful house Jimmy and I had shared together. I’d sold it and my advertising business just days before the flight. After splitting the pot with Jimmy, I’d netted a hot-damn jackpot of $473,000. I pictured my best friend, Clarice Whittle. I’d left my Ford in her garage, along with a few boxes that held the final remains of the cranky, resentful woman I hoped this trip would get rid of for good.

I’d brought next to nothing with me. I’d left even less behind. No kids. No pets. No job. No husband. No responsibilities. No nothing.

I’d spend the last forty-one years in perpetual motion – Val Jolly’s non-stop stint as dutiful daughter, long-suffering wife and brown-nosing business woman. I’d catered to everyone else’s needs for as long as I could remember. Somewhere along the way I’d turned into a crabby, shrill woman that even I didn’t like. I’d forgotten who I was and what I wanted. This trip was going be my R&R&R – relaxation, romance and re-invention.

I was in Italy to try my hand at living irresponsibly, like my trampy cousin Tammy Jeter. She’d always done as she damn well pleased. Up ‘til now, I’d thought she’d been selfish. Especially when she left Whitey Large and their five pit-bulls (One with puppies!) to run off with Tater Johnson. Turns out, that girl had had it right all along.


Available for only .99¢ Sept 15-19

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Glad One: Starting Over is a …!

How Many Do-Overs Do You Get in One Lifetime?

One crazy old lady. Two gin & tonics. Three wacko beach-bum friends. Will Val’s fourth stab at starting over add up to a big fat zero?

Val’s down, but don’t count her out just yet. Broke, but not broken (just seriously cracked), Val Fremden returns to her hometown of St. Petersburg, Florida to find everything she knew squashed under the heels of change.

With nothing left to go on but her own dry sense of humor and the life coach advice of a beer-guzzling old lady she meets at the beach, can her life get any crazier? Just wait.

Glad One is a satirical look at divorce, single-hood and climbing back up the social ladder. It’s told through the eyes of a snarky, reluctant, midlife-crisis survivor who lost everything — but regained herself.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel for Val? Or is that just the headlamp of another train wreck heading her way? Knowing Val, it’s probably both.

If you like wacky, deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love Glad One! It’s the second book in Margaret Lashley’s hilarious, irreverent Val & Pals Series of seriously funny women’s fiction.


A puff of jaded air forced its way between my pursed lips like steam from a relief valve. I needed a good cry. But this was not the time or place for it. To distract myself, I started counting my blessings.

One decimated pocketbook. Two cottage-cheese thighs. Three maladjusted ex-husbands…. Crap!

Whoever was running the show up there had a wicked sense of humor – and I was getting damn tired of being the punchline. I scrounged around for my powder compact and opened it, intent on repairing my makeup after the nine-hour flight. One glance in the mirror at my worn-out face made me snap it shut. Why bother?

In forty-five years, I’d accumulated a good portion of wrinkles, a fair amount of belly fat, and, apparently, precious little wisdom. These questionable assets, along with $5,726 and a suitcase full of inappropriate clothes, were all I had left to launch my latest life makeover. I slumped back into my seat. I was bone-dragging tired. Even so, a wry grin snuck across my lips like a stolen kiss from a stranger. I was not defeated. Not yet, anyway.

The way I saw it, I still had two viable options. One, I could finally learn to laugh at myself. Or two, I could drink myself into oblivion. I fished around the bottom of my purse for a coin to determine my fate. I flipped a tarnished nickel into the air with my thumb. It did a triple gainer, plunged into my coffee, and splashed a nasty brown stain on the crotch of my white stretch pants.

Awesome. Let the festivities begin.

***

My last life makeover had begun over seven years ago, and had turned out to be a spectacular, downward spiral reminiscent of diving off a cliff with a bowling ball in my pants. Drowning in dullness and fueled by movie-inspired stupidity, I’d ditched a tiresome marriage and lucrative writing career, sold all my belongings and took off for Europe. In Italy, I met a German and fell in love with the idea of life with a stranger in a strange land. Things had been great for a while. But then the shiny wore off and the cracks showed up, like they always did.

On my arrival back in St. Petersburg, Florida, I’d discovered that seven wasn’t such a lucky number. In fact, seven years abroad had been just exactly long enough for my entire credit history to be erased – just like most of my money. I’d gotten off that plane with no driver’s license. No place to live. No credit card. No phone. No resume. And, worst of all, no friends. Incredibly, I’d somehow managed to become a foreigner in my own homeland.

As a lifelong lover of irony, I’d had to smile at my own ingenuity. How many other people on the planet could have claimed such a monumental fuck-up?

Available for only .99¢ Sept 19-22

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Two Crazy: Fickle Finger of Fate

The World is not a Safe Place for Figurines.

When you’re pushing 50 with an industrial bulldozer, birthdays can be a bitch. What was intended as a gag gift for Val ends up making her gag all right – and lands her in a whole heap of trouble with the law.

With one hot cop on her tail and a mean one on her trail, Val turns to old friends and new ones to help prove she’s not into human dismemberment.

Who’s the good cop? Who’s the bad? And who’s the dwarf in the Halloween mask?

Will a pair of falsies help Val stumble onto the truth? If not, she’s got to rely on her wacky, beach-bum friends if she’s going to escape the fickle finger of fate.

Two Crazy is a satirical look at how life seems to take pleasure in screwing up all of our well-laid plans. It’s told through the eyes of a snarky, middle-aged woman with major trust issues and dubious, yet highly original coping skills.

If you like deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love Absolute Zero. It’s the third book in Margaret Lashley’s hilarious, irreverent Val & Pals Series of seriously funny women’s fiction.

I woke the morning after my birthday party with a cop in my bed and a dead body in the kitchen. Okay, it was just a roach carcass. But I swear it was big enough to draw a chalk line around. It was legs-up in the middle of the floor. I’d fumbled, bleary-eyed, toward the cappuccino machine in nothing but Tom’s t-shirt, and had managed, of course, to step right on it. The disgusting crunch of its carapace underfoot made me scream like a little girl.

“Aaahhhh!”

As a native of the Sunshine State, I’d grown up learning to deal with the worst that Florida’s flora and fauna had to throw at me. Poison ivy. Cabbage-palm spikes. Daddy long-leg spiders. Fire ants. Kamikaze tree frogs. Ghoulish house geckos. Deadly rattlesnakes and cottonmouths. Even the occasional gator on the road or in a swimming pool. I’d managed to make my peace with all of them – except one.

Let a roach get anywhere near me – especially a flying one – and my bravado disappeared faster than Oreos at a Weight Watcher’s convention. When I’d stepped on that nasty bug, I’d let out a scream that could be heard on the International Space Station. If that marked me as a sissy, so be it. But there was something abhorrently primeval about a creature that could live for months without its own head.

“What’s going on in there!?”

Tom dashed into the room. He was naked except for his state-issued revolver. The sight of his tan, muscular body almost made me forget about my predicament. Almost.

“A roach,” I grimaced. I held up my foot like it needed stitches.

Tom grinned at me and shook his head.

“There appears to be no permanent damage. What happened to my fearless partner? Valliant Stranger?”

“Hey. Roaches are my kryptonite, okay?”

“Duly noted. I thought you put out some traps. Roach Motels, right?”

I took a paper towel off the roll and ran it under the tap. I bit my lip in disgust and wiped my foot.

“Yeah, I did. I guess there was no room left at the inn.”

Tom sniggered. “Don’t those things come with ‘No Vacancy’ signs?”

“Very funny, Mr. Morning Sunshine. Can we please change the subject now?”

“Okay.”

A dirty grin crept across his face. Tom sidled up to me and put his hands on my hips.

“Have you got a vacancy that I can fill?”

I knocked his hands off of me.

“Geeze, Tom. I think that may go down in history as the most disgusting foreplay line ever.”

Tom scooped me up into his arms. His naughty grin deepened his dimples and crinkled the corners of his hypnotic, green eyes.

“Okay, how about this? I’ve got a gun, lady. Better do what I say.”

Both my hormones and my imagination went haywire.

“Now that’s something I can work with.”

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Three Dumb: Wheelin’ & Dealin’

Baloney and Cheesed.

They say three’s the charm. But charming isn’t Val’s style.

Val Fremden is a lot of things. Quirky. Jaded. Disaster prone. But more than anything, she’s afraid of commitment.

When boyfriend Tom tells her he loves her – then trades away her mom’s ashes for a tiki hut – Val’s just not feelin’ it.

On the warpath with Tom, Val’s forced to rely on her oddball friends to help track down her mom’s cremains. But three botched stakeouts and two disasters later, she still hasn’t got peanuts. Through trial (but mostly error), Val discovers it’s not easy to outwit a mobile master of disguise when she’s stuck driving a paddy wagon full of nutcases.

She loves Tom…she loves him not. Knowing Val, she’s gonna need a bigger flower….

Three Dumb is a satirical look at how life, over time, changes our perception of love and the things we value. It’s told through the eyes of a snarky, middle-aged woman with legendary commitment issues and a gnawing reluctance toward romance.

If you like deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love Three Dumb. It’s the fourth book in Margaret Lashley’s hilarious, irreverent Val & Pals Series of seriously funny women’s fiction.


I’d spent Sunday evening alone, cooling down slowly, like the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl. I’d avoided a critical meltdown, and when I woke up Monday morning, I’d found myself on the verge of no longer being a lethal danger to other life forms.

After a cappuccino and a long, cool shower, at 8 a.m. I called Lefty’s Hauling again. It rang fifteen times, unanswered. This was, of course, totally unacceptable. It was time for Plan B.

I slipped on a sundress and sandals, put my hair in a ponytail and climbed into the red pleather driver’s seat of Maggie, my 1963 Ford Falcon Sprint convertible. With a little encouragement in the form of smashing her gas pedal to the floor, Maggie carried me north along Gulf Boulevard. The four-lane road, lined with two- and three-story beach resorts, skirted the Gulf of Mexico like stiches in a hem.

Year round, tourists flocked to the quaint mom-and-pop motels and sugar-white beaches. I couldn’t blame them. All-in-all, St. Pete Beach was a great place to be.

I turned east on 107th Avenue. Immediately, the salt air and kitsch beach shops disappeared, replaced with anywhere-USA strip malls. At 66th Street, I turned north in the direction of good-old Pinellas Park.

Every major metropolitan area had a section designated especially for rednecks. How they found each other, I didn’t know. Maybe they were all related, or there was some special redneck hotline I wasn’t privy to. At any rate, in Pinellas County, the mecca for country bumpkins and politically incorrect-and-proud-of-it folks was definitely Pinellas Park.

If it weren’t for Florida’s history of hurricanes and tropical storms, Pinellas Park would have choked to death on doublewide trailers decades ago. But in 1993, a freak storm took out all but the very highest quality manufactured homes. It had been dubbed the “1993 Storm of the Century” by some, the “’93 Super Storm” by others, and the “Great Blizzard of 1993” by the Yankees up north. But we locals simply called it the “No-Name Storm,” because it had come up so quickly and unexpectedly not even the weather forecasters had had time to register it with an official moniker.

It had begun on March 12th as a cyclonic storm in the Gulf of Mexico, then quickly grew into a beast that stretched from Cuba to Canada. It moved into Florida around midnight, catching us unaware with winds over 100 mph. It spawned 11 tornadoes and a storm surge in St. Pete that topped out at seven feet. For folks along the coast, bay and rivers, it had been devastating. It wiped out or damaged over 18,000 homes in the Sunshine State and killed 47 of our citizens, more than Hugo and Andrew combined. Suffice it to say, it was not a good time to be living in a tin can on wheels.

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WHAT FOUR

November 7, 2017

Most Definitely Contains Nuts.

All Val wants is a quiet holiday away from her oddball family. But a promise pried from her lips earlier in the year has blown that wish out the henhouse window.

When Val and her boyfriend Tom arrive at her mother’s house in Hicksville, USA, the annual Family Fruitcake Competition is well underway. And there’s more than a few fruits and nuts in the running.

But the biggest contest is between Val and her mom.

As their battle of wills heats up, unexpected ingredients get thrown into both women’s batter. It may be time to call in a referee….

Who will get best in show? Who will get their just desserts? And will Val’s half-baked family turn out to be too much baggage for Tom to handle? Order a copy and find out!

If you like deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love What Four. It’s the fifth book in Margaret Lashley’s hilarious, irreverent Val & Pals Series of seriously funny women’s fiction.

Like the characters in my novels, I haven’t lead a life of wealth or luxury. In fact, as it stands now, I’m set to inherit a half-eaten jar of Cheez Whiz…if my siblings don’t beat me to it.

During my illustrious career, I’ve been a roller-skating waitress, an actuarial assistant, an advertising copywriter, a real estate agent, a house flipper, an organic farmer, and a traveling vagabond/truth seeker. But no matter where I’ve gone or what I’ve done, I’ve always felt like a weirdo.

As a child I lived in my own pretend world of tickling fairies and talking cats. I began writing when I found an ancient black typewriter on my grandparent’s back porch. (Inspired by my brothers, Boys are Stupid was my first masterpiece.)

I’ve learned a heck of a lot in my life. But getting to know myself has been my greatest journey. Today, I know I’m smart. I’m direct. I’m jaded. I’m hopeful. I’m funny. I’m fierce. I’m a pushover. And I have a laugh that makes strangers want to join me at restaurants. In other words, I’m a jumble of opposing talents and flaws and emotions. And it’s all good.

In some ways, I’m a lot like Val Fremden the main character in my Val & Pals Series. My books featuring Val are not autobiographical, but what comes out of her mouth was first formed in my mind, and sometimes the parallels are undeniable. I drink TNTs. I had a car like Shabby Maggie. And I’ve started my life over four times, driving away with whatever earthly possessions fit in my car. And, perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned that friends come from unexpected places.

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#Book #Promo…Beach Space…#BookBoost #Fictional #Humor @RABTBookTours

Fictional Humor
Date Published: August 15, 2017
Publisher: Grave Distractions Publications
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When seniors normally settle into Cedar Branch Retirement Community they begin a simpler and slower pace of living. Not this group! With Jack Goslin, Karl and Betty Rutherfurd, and the Stevens Sisters nothing is simple or slower after moving into the number one retirement community in the south. With the neighboring resort battling over the beach property our eccentric group of seniors avenge war on the uptight and controlling manager of the resort. And after CBC gives the green light for residents to have private golf carts, well things just get even crazier for Derrick St. Clair.
 
From the new exotic fitness instructor, to Violet’s secret winery, Jack’s pimped out golf cart, and a host of other new issues for the director, CBC continues to gain popularity as the most interesting retirement community in the south. If you are looking for a place to retire, settle down, or witness bizarre fiascos stop by Cedar Branch, who knows – you just might make it home!
 

About the Author

 
Lee DuCote has traveled the world researching cultures, people, and historical accounts to help create his stories.  A native to Louisiana, he writes to give hope and encouragement to others, as well as to entertain and spark the imagination.  Lee lives in the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas with his wife and family and is the author of seven novels including Camp 80 that earned him an international book award.  
 
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#Book #Promo…The Knights of Boo’Gar…#BookBoost #Middlegrade #Humor #Kids #Giveaway @RABTBookTours

Middle Grade Humor, ages 7 to 12
Date Published: April 4, 2017
Publisher: Andrews McMeel / AMP! Kids
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Princess Phlema’s pet goat Babycakes has been kidnapped from Castle Boo’Gar, and the ransom note demands the kingdom’s sacred Book of Loogey in exchange for the goat’s safe return. King Mewkus summons the Knights of Boo’Gar to track down the kidnappers, but the Knights have been on furlough for so long that only one person responds to the call: a 13-year-old boy named Rowland. Undaunted by the lack of reinforcements, Rowland agrees to take on the quest, enlisting the help of his pet turtle and his trusty steed, who happens to be an ostrich. While Rowland treks through the Dark Woods, encountering dangerous obstacles and fearsome creatures, Princess Phlema takes matters into her own hands.
 
The Knights of Boo’Gar is a quirky adventure set in an engaging world of heroes, nose goblins, a spunky princess, giant bats and way too many cantaloupes. Packed with full-color illustrations, this wacky chapter book emphasizes the importance of friendship, bravery and is a delightfully easy read for kids and grown-ups alike.

About the Author

 
Art Roche is a cartoonist and three-time author, previously published by Sterling Publishing. He is currently the content director for the Charles M. Schulz studio in Santa Rosa, California. Before that, Art worked in video games and was a creative director at Cartoon Network.

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#Book #Promo…Dinner Conversations…#BookBoost #Humor #Family #Parenting @jasonreidauthor @pumpupyourbook

Title: DINNER CONVERSATIONS
Author: Jason Reid
Publisher: Createspace/Reid Group
Pages: 348
Genre: Humor / Family / Parenting

 

“You are going to LAUGH! You are going to then wonder if these conversations actually happened. You are going to wonder what kind of guy would actually say these things to his family.”

The answer is simple—yes, these conversations did actually happen. They occurred over a period of roughly 5 years, mainly at my dinner table.  I took them verbatim and posted them on Facebook so that all my friends could get a good laugh.

I must be honest with you, some of you will are going to laugh and say things like “…that sounds like something I would say or want to say” others are going to think that I am a horrible parent.  I am ok with either thought process.

What I hope is that after laughing, scratching your head and wondering what is wrong with Jay Reid, you realize that you need to create more of your own Dinner Conversations.  

Please join me @ http://www.Facebook.com/DinnerConversations to read more and post your own.” 

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Taxes

 Kids “You have to pay how much in taxes?!?”

  Jay

“Yep, half or more of my money goes to pay taxes, the rest goes to pay for you
guys. I have almost nothing
left over.”

 Kids

“That’s crazy!”

 Jay

“I agree, but I am stuck with all of you.”

 

Jason Reid is an entrepreneur by trade and a dad by passion. He currently lives in Murrieta, California with his wonderful wife and amazing four children. Over the years he has written numerous business books, a novel, and children’s The Protector Bug book series.

His latest book is the humor/family/parenting book, Dinner Conversations.

 

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#Book #Blitz…The Toilet Papers…#BookBoost #Horror #Humor #Historical #Giveaway @RABTBookTours @theWRITEengle

 
Short story collection (horror, humor, & historical)
Date Published: 7/23/2017
Publisher: JME Books
 
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Have you ever noticed that reading a book on the toilet takes forever? Wouldn’t it be nice to have stories suited to your specific potty needs? This collection of short stories ranges from 50 words to more than 50 pages, separated in categories labeled to fit your bathroom needs: NUMBER ONE, NUMBER TWO, and FARFROMPOOPIN. The idea is to give you, the reader, a great deal of material to read, tailored and categorized to the needs of your intestines and bladder. So go ahead, get comfortable, pull out your Squatty Potty® and enjoy some fantasy, science fiction, horror, adventure, and humor from the comfort of your own throne…the john…the latrine…your office…the bathroom, whatever you want to call it. Just be sure to wash your hands once you’re done. 
 
“Get him to his feet,” Sarah ordered.
 
“Watch my shoulder,” Jedediah said. “Hurts like a son of a bitch.”
 
Sarah slipped beneath his wounded arm while Bobby Ray slipped under the other one. They led Jedediah to a seat that hadn’t been overturned during the fight.
 
The cowboy knelt before him, pulling back Jedediah’s shirt to scrutinize the wound. His face remained hidden by the wide brim of his hat. He wore hide boots whose origin Jedediah could only speculate and his skin smelled like fire.
 
“It’s not too deep,” the cowboy said. “Won’t take me a minute.” He pressed his large flat palm against the wound.
 
Jedediah bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. His mouth pooled with the iron-taste of his own blood.
 
The cowboy lifted his hand.
 
Jedediah stared as the gaping holes in his flesh were completely healed; the tear in his blood soaked shirt was all that remained. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
 
“Be careful, bartender. You don’t meant it.” He leaned over the body of what had once been Frances Deveaux and whatever had tried to eat Jedediah. “This one’s dead.”
 
“Course he is,” Bobby Ray said. “You killed him.”
 
“No. This man’s been dead.” The cowboy rolled the body on to its stomach with the steel-tipped toe of his boot. “Was before he walked through those doors.”
 
“The living dead?” Bobby Ray whispered.
 
“Of all the unholy things,” said Sarah.
 
Beneath Frances Deveaux’s shoulder blade lay an empty cavity where his liver should have been.
 
“Detestable.” Sarah covered her mouth and swept to an empty seat near the bar.
 
“Did he say why he was here?” the cowboy asked, staring at the body.
 
“Not precisely. Just said some woman tried to kill him, so he gave her what she wanted.”
 
“And what was that?”
 
Jedediah gulped hard. “Me.”
 
The man looked up, his face in shadows. “You?”
 
“That’s right.”
 
“Did she say what for?”
 
“Never got to that part.”
 
The man didn’t say a word as he stared at Jedediah. Finally, he spoke. “Something’s after you, Jed. I’m gonna stay in town a while to figure out what.” He looked up. “You okay with that?”
 
His eyes shone in a radiant shade of violet. Dirty-blond hair fell ragged from beneath his hat.
 
“Yes, Simeon. I’m okay with it,” Jedediah said. “I think I’m gonna need some help on this one.”
 
“First thing to figure out is where this man’s liver went. Hopefully, it will lead to this woman you mentioned.” Simeon stood, walked back to the entrance, and turned in the doorway. “You all better get your feet shod,” he said with a smirk, tipping his hat, “because it’s about to get ugly.”

 

About the Author

 

Jaimie Engle was once sucked into a storybook, where she decided she would become an author. She has modeled, managed a hip-hop band, and run a body shop. She loves coffee, trivia, cosplay, and podcasting on ORIGINS, where myth and science meet (podcastORIGINS.com). Basically, if it’s slanted toward the supernatural or nerdy, she’s into it! She lives in Florida with her awesome husband, hilarious children, and the world’s best dog. She also happens to have the world’s best literary agent, Saritza Hernandez. Become a fan at theWRITEengle.com. Follow on social media @theWRITEengle and pick up books at jmebooks.com.

 
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#Book #Release…Love at First Crepe…#BookBoost #Humorous #Romantic #Mystery #Giveaway @heidireneemason @bookunleashed

HAPPY RELEASE DAY
Who knew a delicious crepe, a kung fu attack, and an unexpected love could create such mayhem?
Love At First Crepe
LOVE AT FIRST CREPE
Heidi Renee Mason
Genre: Humorous Romantic Mystery
Publisher: Hot Tree Publishing
Publication Date: July 22, 2017
In Heidi Renee Mason’s humorous romantic mystery, an easygoing chef soon discovers life can become complicated when you’re falling in lust and foiling murder plots.
Born into the wealthy Simpson family, free-spirited, accident-prone Willow is determined to make her own way in life. Her greatest joy is her food truck, The Dancing Crêpe. Baking is her one true passion, and she is content to keep it that way. Love and romance have never been on her agenda, but she suddenly finds herself in the middle of a deliciously decadent love triangle. With two gorgeous men vying for her attention, she vows to keep her distance from both of them, but the tantalizing chemistry is hard to ignore.
Willow would be living the sweet life if it weren’t for her young, beautiful, gold-digging stepmother, Elizabeth, who is nothing but a nagging thorn in her side. She is determined to save her oblivious father from his bad choices, and hopes to add Elizabeth to the long line of ex-step-mothers. Unfortunately, it seems that someone wants to get rid of Willow instead. One crazy night changes everything, and Willow’s life is turned upside down. Between thwarting her own murder plot, keeping her divinely tasty admirers at bay, and trying to stay on the good side of her finicky cat, Omelet, Willow’s plate is full. With far too many cooks in the kitchen, will she be able to stay alive long enough to figure out who wants to kill her?

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Love At First Crepe Teaser

An Excerpt from the Book

Take an inside look at Love At First Crepe. Read this sizzling excerpt from the book.
Unfortunately, my sense of self-preservation seemed to be on vacation. I was completely frozen in fear, unable to move for what seemed like years. The giant didn’t move either, and I wondered why. Strangely enough, he seemed just as surprised as I was that he was in my living room. We looked at each other, his beady eyes visible through the holes of his ski mask. The synapses in my brain finally began to fire, and I jumped into action, kicking the intruder as hard as I could in the groin. He groaned in pain and clumsily took a swipe at me with the knife as he sank to his knees.
I rolled out of his path and jumped swiftly to my feet. Unfortunately, the maneuver didn’t work exactly as I planned. I lost my towel in the process and was startled to remember that I was completely naked underneath. My lack of clothing was the least of my worries. I had far bigger fish to fry.
I darted into the kitchen and ducked behind the counter. He rose slowly and lumbered toward me. Think, Willow, think!
The man was huge, larger than any human I’d ever seen. I made a quick mental note that his terrifying size might also work against him. Conversely, I was small and quick, and I was determined to use these things to my advantage. I didn’t have much else. As he drew close to me, I sprinted back into the living room. Until I figured out what to do next, I had to stay out of his way.
To be honest, I didn’t have much to offer in the strength department, and I fleetingly wished that I would have paid more attention to weight training at some point in my life. There was no time for regrets at that moment though, so I took quick stock of what I could use to fight back. There was a large paperweight on the table in the foyer. If I could get to that, I could smash him in the head with it. Of course, if I managed to get that far, I’d be better off running out the front door. I thought about my ballet classes and made a list of moves I could use for self-defense. Granted, it wasn’t much, but it was all I had.
A grand battement might do the trick. I could bring my foot right up to his face and take him out, with my toes perfectly pointed of course. Given his size though, I doubted if my foot would reach that far. I groaned, wishing I had some martial arts experience instead. Ballet wasn’t exactly famous for its self-defense tactics, but it would have to do. Rich girls weren’t brought up to fight intruders. That’s what Dad paid the bodyguards to do.
I jumped behind the couch, thankful that there was at least a large piece of furniture between me and the colossus. I was hopeful that one of my neighbors might overhear the altercation, although I knew that was a long shot. I could die there and no one would know until some unlucky neighbor smelled my rotting flesh from the hallway.

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Love at First Crepe (eBook Copy)
Contest runs from July 22 – 28, 2017.

About Heidi Renee Mason

Heidi Renee Mason

Heidi Renee Mason is an Ohio girl transplanted into the Pacific Northwest. She is a home schooling mom of three daughters, wife of one mail man, and a people-watching introvert who can be found hiding in the nearest corner. She is an Amazon International Best-selling author and writer of your next happily ever after.
Connect with Heidi Renee Mason on social media:
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For more information, visit the Love At First Crepe Book Page at Book Unleashed.

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#Book #Promo…The Toilet Papers…#BookBoost #BookBuzz #Horror #Humor #Historical #Giveaway

Short story collection (horror, humor, & historical)
Date Published: 7/23/2017
Publisher: JME Books
 
 photo add-to-goodreads-button_zpsc7b3c634.png
 
Have you ever noticed that reading a book on the toilet takes forever? Wouldn’t it be nice to have stories suited to your specific potty needs? This collection of short stories ranges from 50 words to more than 50 pages, separated in categories labeled to fit your bathroom needs: NUMBER ONE, NUMBER TWO, and FARFROMPOOPIN. The idea is to give you, the reader, a great deal of material to read, tailored and categorized to the needs of your intestines and bladder. So go ahead, get comfortable, pull out your Squatty Potty® and enjoy some fantasy, science fiction, horror, adventure, and humor from the comfort of your own throne…the john…the latrine…your office…the bathroom, whatever you want to call it. Just be sure to wash your hands once you’re done. 
 

About the Author

Jaimie Engle was once sucked into a storybook, where she decided she would become an author. She has modeled, managed a hip-hop band, and run a body shop. She loves coffee, trivia, cosplay, and podcasting on ORIGINS, where myth and science meet (podcastORIGINS.com). Basically, if it’s slanted toward the supernatural or nerdy, she’s into it! She lives in Florida with her awesome husband, hilarious children, and the world’s best dog. She also happens to have the world’s best literary agent, Saritza Hernandez. Become a fan at theWRITEengle.com. Follow on social media @theWRITEengle and pick up books at jmebooks.com.

 

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Rafflecopter: July 6 – Aug 6 ($30 Starbucks GC; Toilet Papers ebook) 
 
Goodreads Giveaway: July 1 – July 22 (3 paperbacks)

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#Book #Promo…Funny Fairy Tales #Series…#BookBoost #Humor #BookBuzz #Giveaway

Humor
Date Published: 13 March 2017
A long time ago
in a faraway land
there lived a woman
who was allergic to dust.
Her name was Cinderella
Funny Fairytales are a twist on the old beloved Grimm and Disney Fairy Tales. They are fun short stories people can read in a couple of minutes when waiting for the bus or on a train ride. Work just like an app, with story plot changes, new adventurous characters, mysteries and danger. 
 
Funny Fairy Tales 1 – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
 
The new Snow White, with the vicious queen Anagrola, the confused and sarcastic mirror Shraga, and the most gifted seven men you’ve ever met. 
 
The traditional tale, with a new development – snow white is not pretty, but smart, the mirror, Shraga has a hate-hate relationship with the jealous queen, and the dwarfs are each craft masters. 
Funny Fairy Tales 2 – Cinderella
The new Cinderella, with the mysterious blue fairy godmother, the cunning step-sisters, and a woman, who for the life of her, just can’t stop cleaning! 
 
The traditional tale, with a new development – a new young fairy godmother, cinderella as a neat freak allergic to dust and with step-sisters who are good and desire to save her. 
Funny Fairy Tales 3 – Red Riding Hood 

The new Red Riding, with the hood that leads to fame and fortune, the mysterious wild wolf, and a grandmother so evil, she could rewrite the history of sin. Red’s not little anymore!

The traditional tale, with a new development – the grandmother is exceptionally vicious and the wolf very wise, red riding hood is a young curious and passionate woman exploring the life of fame, and the topic of false accusation is strong in the book.

About the Author

Reut Barak is a freelance journalist, previously published in National Geographic online. She has an MBA from the University of Oxford, and has worked and traveled internationally. This is her first book series.

 Well, no not really… The true story is:
 
Reut was born in Camelot in the year 1201, following the famous explosion of the northern dragon tower.
 
She has a degree in fantasy and science fiction from the University of Atlantis and this record can be found in the central library, now twenty thousand leagues under the sea.
 
She likes phoenix riding, dragon fighting and painting the roses red.
  

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 Snow White
 

Cinderella

 

Red Riding

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#Book #Review…#Drama Is Her Middle Name…#BookBoost #Gossip #Radio #Talkshow

Shock jock extraordinaire Wendy Williams lets loose with the first in a series of novels based on her alter ego, the divalicious radio DJ Ritz Harper. Ritz puts the ‘s’ in shock and the ‘g’ in gossip, and Drama Is Her Middle Name

Ritz is a suburban girl on the outside, but inside she’s a hustler’s hustler who’s masterfully maneuvered her way into the spotlight after ruining the career of a well-respected newswoman (and former college friend). 

Ritz’s exclusive rockets her to the top of the ratings, and she’s rewarded with her very own show. Like a talking Venus flytrap, she verbally seduces her on-air guests, only to have them for lunch as she spews gossip about their lives.

Ritz becomes the darling of the station’s afternoon slot. But what happens when Ritz goes from drive-time diva to drive-by victim? Has Ritz bad-mouthed the wrong person? Has her signature cat-and-mouse bomb drop been dropped on her instead?

As Ritz lies crumpled on a city sidewalk, all she can think as she struggles to maintain consciousness is,”ho did this to me? Who?”

Readers will salivate as they try to figure out where the fictional Ritz ends and the real-life Wendy begins. Wendy will involve her millions of listeners by asking them what should happen to Ritz, which will be revealed at the beginning of the next novel, scheduled to be published in fall of 2006 for Christmas.

 

This was the first book I read by Wendy Williams and, although I love her show, her book was just ok for me.  Shock Jock extraordinaire, Ritz Harper, seemed to have it all, but did she really?  Her mother had hopes and aspirations for Ritz when she was a child, but fate would soon change both of their destinies.  Having been raised by her aunt and uncle, Ritz did relatively well in school and had a bright future ahead of her, but her dreams of going to the top didn’t happen fast enough. 

While working the evening shift at WHOT radio station, she had a great following, but all the movers and shakers in the industry seemed to have that special niche that Ritz would die for.  She was tired of playing second best to DJs that didn’t really have the it factor.  Perusing magazines and catching up on all the latest gossip in the entertainment world, Ritz realized that an old school friend of hers was a top media sensation.  But what the world didn’t know was the real story behind her friend’s rise to the top.  Since her producer of the radio show kept making promises to give her better, Ritz took matters into her own hands and decided to dish some rather nasty dirt on an old school friend.  Needless to say, the phone lines lit up like standing in the middle of Times Square, and Ritz’s new-found fame was born.

Ritz became known for spilling the ish on all the top celebrities and for exposing the fake entertainers for who and what they really were.  Eventually, as Ritz’s fame became greater and she took over the daytime spot on WHOT, so did her list of evildoers who wanted nothing better than to see Ritz dead.  As the story matures, so did the antics of Ritz Harper.  There’s no doubt that this book certainly was ripped from the real Wendy Williams’ life of sorts.  Lord knows I pray she really didn’t expose a personal close friend’s dirty laundry much like Ritz Harper did?  But knowing Wendy like I do from watching her show, only one can surmise. 

For me, there was too much emphasis on Ritz’s material things and the things around her.  It was like the character was bragging about all she had at the expense of other’s shortcomings.  I wasn’t feeling that, but it was a story, and it was quite entertaining where the callers were concerned.  I can’t imagine walking in Ritz Harper’s shoes, nor would I want to.  She had quite a bit to answer for, which I assume she will in the next book in the series.  I’m pretty sure this book is old, and I got it at a good deal on BookBub, so I decided to read it to see if I liked Williams’ writing style.  Eh, it was typical Wendy just written in words.  There was quite a bit of humor in the story as well, and that kept me turning the pages.

Mello & June gives Drama is Her Middle Name three How YOU Doin’s?  This is a short read and quite entertaining.  If you’ve never watched Wendy Williams’ show, reading this book will most definitely give you a glimpse into her humble beginnings, if you can call it that? (chuckle).  Anyhoo, until next time, Intellectual Minds, Keep on Reading!

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#Book #Promo…Motherhood Martyrdom & Costco Runs…#BookBoost #Parenting #Humor #Memoir

Parenting/Humor/Memoir

Date Published: May 15, 2017
Publisher: 33 Partners Publishing
 

Join bestselling romantic comedy author, Whitney Dineen, as she discovers the three Es of parenting:

Exhilarating—when you first discover you’re pregnant.

Exhausting—when you realize you’ll most likely never sleep again–like EVER

Explosive—OMG these kids spew from both ends!  And that’s just the beginning. Whitney shares the ridiculous highs and excruciating lows of her catapult into motherhood. Enjoy the ride as this new mom vows to give up profanity while falling in love with… you guessed it, Costco. Be careful, because if you’re anything like Whitney, you may just pee a little. 

Motherhood Martyrdom & Costco Runs takes the reader on a roller coaster of emotions as Whitney plummets into postpartum depression, desperately tries to get her kids to stop yodeling in public restrooms, and comes to terms with the fact she’ll never quite be queen of her own kingdom. Get ready to laugh, cry, cheer, and pat yourself on the back for the sake of mommies everywhere. And while you’re at it, stop by Costco for a case of toilet paper and a Very Berry Sundae. You won’t regret it!  

About the Author

While attending the University of Illinois in Chicago, Whitney Dineen was discovered by a local modeling agent and began an unexpected career as a plus-size Ford model. She modeled in New York City before moving to Los Angeles with her husband.

During “The Hollywood Years,” Whitney was bitten by the writing bug and started creating characters that are inspired by strong women with a great sense of humor. Her first romantic comedy, She Sins at Midnight, won a silver medal in the 2015 Reader’s Favorite awards. Her second, The Reinvention of Mimi Finnegan, is a finalist in the 2016 RONE Awards, won a silver medal at the 2016 Reader’s Favorite Awards and won Honorable Mention at the London Book Festival. Her third chick-lit book, Mimi Plus Two, is causing all kinds of controversy and who the heck knows where it will land. Although, it was a finalist in the Reader’s Favorite Awards and a Runner-Up at the London Book Festival.

In addition to her love of chick-lit, Whitney has also written a series of adventure books for middle readers. The first two books in her series, Wilhelmina and the Willamette Wig Factory and Who the Heck is Harvey Stingle? are both available now. Book three, Beware of the Basement, is due to be released in the spring of 2017.

Whitney and her husband, Jimmy, have relocated to the beautiful Pacific Northwest to raise their children, chickens, and organic vegetables.

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#Book #Promo…Big & Fabulous…#BookBoost #Humor #Fiction

TitleBIG & FABULOUS, THE LIFE AND TIMES OF BRENDA CANKLES
Author: Randi Sherman
Publisher: Friesen Press
Pages: 282
Genre: Humor Fiction

The time for BIG & Fabulous, The Life and Times of Brenda Cankles is now! The emphasis is on positive body image, Big & Fabulous is a truly entertaining story that’s strongly written, funny, insightful and bitingly smart. Inside it’s covers, readers will find no shortage of acidly hilarious accounts of the highs and lows of living life inside a big and fabulous body.

Imperfect, impervious and improving Brenda Cankles is an unlikely heroine. Unfazed by the enduring censure of  society, she is determined to realize the fabulous life that she has always believed is her destiny. 
 
Brenda’s story – written in unflinching first person – is utterly unvarnished. Here, find a fantastically real person, sometimes struggling to fit in, but mostly giving the rest of the world the mother-lovin’ bird. From her clunky childhood, through her stumbling yet optimistic adolescence to her full figured and unapologetic emergence into adulthood. Brenda is a special brand of warrior. She is big, bold and beautiful. While the quirky cast of characters who surround her is eternally insistent that Brenda live her life in the background and fit into society’s mold, she will have none of it.
 
Author, Randi Sherman’s experience as a stand-up comedienne is evident as she delivers, BIG & Fabulous, The Life and Times of Brenda  Cankles, the hilarious, often laugh-out-loud novel about the inner most thoughts Brenda Cankles, a very real character who is confident and brave enough to expect the world to accept her on her terms.
 
BIG & Fabulous, The Life and Times of Brenda Cankles is Sherman’s fifth novel, her fourth THE LOBBY has won 17 Awards for Humor and General Fiction.

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FOR MORE INFORMATION:

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Book Excerpt:

DEAR SOCIETY,

We have a big job ahead of us. In elementary school, I will be “the fat kid” with a
wild imagination. In high school, I’ll try to fit in but won’t. I will be an outcast, considered lumbering and awkward. No one, including my family, will expect
much from me because I won’t be like the other girls. Being a big and a bold  and a brash  girl, I will be  the focus   of your attention as you advise me to stifle myself, adjust my enthusiasm, and be grateful for any attention I  receive.

To  the bullies and doubters, let me be the  first to  thank  you in advance for continually reminding me that I have the potential to end up as someone’s dusty spinster aunt who shares a can of bargain tuna with seventeen cats, or that weird neighbor you see but try desperately to  avoid.

Although it’s hard to believe, I will cherish our relation­ship because you, Society, will never ignore me. I don’t know what I will do or have done to garner so much of your atten­tion and devotion. I’m sure you have other and more impor­tant things to do, like creating jobs, housing the homeless, raising money to cure cancer, and feeding the hungry. But, no, you will dedicate television shows and magazine articles to me, and spend your valuable time and energy compar­ing what it is that you consider “perfect” to my reality and encourage me to change into someone “typical.” I know it will be exhausting for you.

I have to admit that there will be times when my self-­esteem will be tested. Other times, I’ll be a non-believer, and want to give up, possibly disappointing you.

Because of your often obsessive yet unwavering attention and dedication to making me aware of my shortcomings­ or, worse, your condescending and hollow and self-serving attempts to encourage me to accept my “inadequacies” and situation – you will present me with a challenge. It will take all of my strength and determination, but I will dig deep within myself to realize I have the potential to be fabulous.

Like fine wine, opera, and stinky cheese, I am valuable, an acquired taste, and, like all treasures, I should be appreciated and celebrated. Like it or not, whether you intend it or not, I just might turn out to be a wise, compassionate, creative, funny, gener­ous, and a kind person. You see, I have the ability to learn and grow.

Yes, I am big and I am bold, and I accept your challenge. Be forewarned. I will be a force to be reckoned with because   I am special. I am beautiful and I am
a superhero. Now, get the fuck off my cape. I have things to do. 

Sincerely,

Brenda
Merle  Cankles, “The Big One”

 

About the Author

Randi M Sherman is the award winning author of humorous fiction books. With an eye for detail, an ear for well-tuned dialogue and an incredible grasp of the obvious, all honed while performing stand-up comedy in Los Angeles and improvisational theater in San Francisco, Sherman adds just enough bawdiness to deliver character-driven contemporary novels that will have the reader laughing, thinking and connecting with the characters in her books.

A native Californian, Randi makes her home in California’s wine country. Trying her hand at country living Randi describes herself the Eva Gabor of the Sonoma/Napa area.

Randi earned a Bachelor of Science Degree from Chapman University.

WEBSITE & SOCIAL LINKS:

WEBSITE | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

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#Book #Promo…Are You There Krishna…#BookBoost #Memoir #Humor

About the Book

 Title: Are You There Krishna, It’s Me Reshma. Or Rachel. Or Whatever.; Essays on Talking to Ghosts, Accosting Celebrities, One-night Stands Gone Wrong, Sexism, Race, and First-Generation Woes

Author: Rachel Khona

Genre: Memoir / Humor

Rachel knew even as a young child that she wasn’t like the rest of her Indian family. While her parents were plotting how she could make it into med school with her mediocre grades in chemistry and biology, she had other things on my mind.

Including such gems as:

  • Why can’t she go to the temple on her period?
  • Why don’t her Indian cousins like her?
  • Why was it OK to be sexualized at a beauty pageant but not for herself?
  • How can she straddle two cultures while retaining her sense of self?
  • Why are women considered sluts and men considered studs?
  • Why do people keep asking her if she was born in India?
  • Should she wax down there?
  • Why does she have crazy eyes?

After leaving home, Rachel got high in Amsterdam, met her pop singer idol in a bathroom, argued with a ghost and got lost in the Pyrenees. But that didn’t stop her from questioning while men still tell her to smile. Are You There Krishna, It’s Me Reshma. Or Rachel. Or Whatever.; Essays on Talking to Ghosts, Accosting Celebrities, One-night Stands Gone Wrong, Sexism, Race, and First-Generation Woes weaves stories of Rachel’s life with observations on race, class, sex, feminism and culture with humor and candor.

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Author Bio

Once upon a time in an exotic land called New Jersey, Rachel used to dream of one day playing tambourine in an all-girl rock band. That never happened.

Instead she became a writer. She has written for The New York TimesThe Washington PostPlayboy, Penthouse, Maxim, and Cosmopolitan among others.

When she’s not writing or designing, she is busy drinking wine and singing off key, bike riding, pretending she’s friends with Mindy Kaling and Amy Poehler, eating absurd amounts of cheese, or listening to rock music at an appallingly loud volume. Sometimes all at once.

Check out her book at http://bit.ly/areyoutherekrishnabook

Links

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MRC02Y7?tag=thougcatal0c-20

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34114007-are-you-there-krishna-it-s-me-reshma-or-rachel-or-whatever-are-you-t

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#Book #Promo…A Bit of Earth…#BookBoost #Memoir #Humor

A Bit of Earth

By Wendy Crisp Lestina

Genre: Memoir; humor

A Bit of Earth, published by Lychgate Press, an independent press in Corvallis, Oregon, is a memoir that begins in 1980 with the theft from a car parked on the streets of New York City of my father’s Silver Star medal, which was awarded to him for his heroism during World War II—heroism that resulted in his death. The book ends, 22 chapters later, with its unlikely recovery, 34 years later, in 2014. The story in-between, life stories that begin before I was born and take place in various settings (farms in northern California and tiny towns on the Minnesota prairie; Los Angeles and New York) is a kaleidoscope of stories about a life—mine—influenced by a dead father’s spiritual admonition to “life a big life, as big as you can make it, big enough for both of us.”

A Bit of Earth is both a personal story, filled with details of people and places and things that are unique to my experience, and a story about everyone whose childhood and adult life began in the atomic age and wove through a world in which long-standing rules were subject to revision or dissolution. Everyone seeks ways to survive, cope and—occasionally—master this challenge by finding a home, something to hang on to, a piece of earth. My way is humor. This is, mostly, a funny book.

About the Author

Wendy Crisp Lestina is the author of five books:  When I Grow Up I Want to Be 60 (Penguin/Perigee, Spring 2006); Do As I Say Not As I Did (Penguin/Perigee, 1997); From The Back Pew (2003); Old Favorites From Ferndale Kitchens (1994); and the best-selling 100 Things I’m Not Going to Do Now That I’m Over 50 (Penguin/Perigee, 1995).

Her career has been as a magazine editor (Savvy, Datamation, among others) and a public speaker (as the spokesperson of the National Association for Female Executives). She has appeared on dozens of national television programs, including Oprah!, The McLaughlin Group, the Today Show, and Good Morning America. Her op-ed pieces have been published in the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Wall Street Journal, the Portland Oregonian, and heard on Oregon Public Broadcasting.

Since 2004, Wendy has directed over a dozen documentary videos, including Saving the Queen, produced under a grant from CalHumanities; and Letters Home, which won the Western History Association’s Autry Public History Prize in 2011. Her weekly newspaper column, “From the Back Pew,” has won three national awards for both “most serious” and “most humorous” from the National Newspaper Association.  In 1997, Middlebury College (Vermont) awarded her an honorary doctorate for her work “on behalf of women and children.” She holds a B.A. (English) from Whitman College (Washington).

As a volunteer, Wendy served eight years on the national board of directors of United Methodist Communications (Nashville). She was a seminar leader in Bedford Hills Correctional Facility (New York); she coordinated nonprofit fundraisers in New York and Humboldt County. She is now the president of the historic  Ferndale Cemetery Association. 

Wendy and her husband, John live on the family farm outside of Ferndale, California where they are hosts of an Airbnb that serves dinner.

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/1947WaldnerFarm/

www.wendylestina.com

On Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2h0WrLu

On Amazon: http://amzn.to/2hXjXcg

On B&N: http://bit.ly/2hJNPWG

 

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#Book #Promo…The Ugly…#BookBoost #Satire #Literary #Fiction #Humor

The Ugly

By Alexander Boldizar

Genre: Satire/literary fiction/humor

Muzhduk the Ugli the Fourth is a 300–pound boulder–throwing mountain man from Siberia whose tribal homeland is stolen by an American lawyer out to build a butterfly conservatory for wealthy tourists. In order to restore his people’s land and honor, Muzhduk must travel to Harvard Law School to learn how to throw words instead of boulders. His anarchic adventures span continents, from Siberia to Cambridge to Africa, as he fights fellow students, Tuareg rebels, professors of law, dark magic, bureaucrats, heatstroke, postmodernists, and eventually time and space. A wild existential comedic romp, THE UGLY tells the tale of a flawed and unlikely hero struggling against the machine that shapes the people who govern our world.

“A comedically absurd tour de force that examines the complex relationship between words and actions.” – Foreword Reviews (editor’s pick, 5 stars)

“[A] muscular critique of conflicts both intellectual and physical. A surprising treat.” — Publisher’s Weekly

“A full-on satire of contemporary law as mesmerizing and complex as something lost from Foster Wallace, yet as light in tone as A Confederacy of Dunces.” — Goodreads (#1 New Releases, Sept 2016)

“A bold and hilarious satire, a stunning debut.” — LB Book Notes
“This decade’s A Confederacy of Dunces.” — Christoph Paul, Clash Media

Author Bio

Alexander Boldizar was the first post-independence Slovak citizen to graduate with a Juris Doctor degree from Harvard Law School. Since then, he has been an art gallery director in Bali, an attorney in San Francisco and Prague, a pseudo-geisha in Japan, a hermit in Tennessee, a paleontologist in the Sahara, a porter in the High Arctic, a police-abuse watchdog in New York City, an editor and art critic in Jakarta and Singapore, and a consultant on Wall Street. His writing has won the PEN/Nob Hill prize and was the Breadloaf nominee for Best New American Voices. Boldizar currently lives in Vancouver, BC, Canada, where his hobbies include throwing boulders and choking people while wearing pajamas, for which he won a gold medal at the Pan American Championships and a bronze at the World Masters Championships of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. For several years, an online Korean dictionary had him listed as its entry for “ugly.”

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theuglynovel

On Twitter: @Boldizar

http://www.theuglynovel.com/

Amazon.com: http://amzn.to/2hNtMcl

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2hNhL6O

B&N: http://bit.ly/2hMLCcT

 

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#Book #Promo…Made for Me…#BookBoost #Humor #Fiction

Aurora Publicity is pleased to bring you Kathryn R. Biel’s MADE FOR ME virtual book tour January 2 – 13!

Inside the Book:

Title: Made for Me
Author: Kathryn R. Biel
Release Date: October 4, 2016
Publisher: Kathryn R. Biel
Genre: Humorous Fiction

Michele’s lack of focus in life hasn’t bothered her, until the day she finds herself with mounting credit card debt, unable to afford her rent, and without a job. While her meddling family questions how she can end up in this predicament, at the age of 29, and single to boot, Michele doesn’t want to admit the truth. All she wants to do is sew.

Faced with the prospect of moving back into her parents’ house, Michele throws a Hail Mary pass and applies for a TV design contest, Made for Me. In order to win the contest, Michele will have to compete with nine other contestants to design the new wardrobe for Duchess Maryn Medrovovich, who’s about to marry Prince Stephan of the United Republic of Montabago.

While in the seclusion of the show, Michele starts to realize where her focus in life should be, and what’s truly important to her. However, a dashing competitor might just cause her to lose her focus once and for all. Can Michele keep her eye on the prize while being true to herself?

BUY HERE:

AMAZON|B&N|KOBO

Meet the Author:

Telling stories of resilient women, Kathryn Biel hails from upstate New York and is a spouse and mother of two wonderful and energetic kids. In between being Chief Home Officer and Director of Child Development of the Biel household, she works as a school-based physical therapist. She attended Boston University and received her Doctorate in Physical Therapy from The Sage Colleges. After years of writing countless letters of medical necessity for wheelchairs, finding increasingly creative ways to encourage the government and insurance companies to fund her clients’ needs, and writing entertaining annual Christmas letters, she decided to take a shot at writing the kind of novel that she likes to read. Her musings and rants can be found on her personal blog, Biel Blather. She is the author of Good Intentions (2013), Hold Her Down (2014), I’m Still Here (2014), Jump, Jive, and Wail (2015), and Fly Robin Fly, a short story (part of Cupid on the Loose: A Valentine’s Anthology 2015).

CONNECT WITH KATHRYN: WEBSITE |TWITTER

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